Thursday, January 27, 2011

Dug my way out, blood and fire

Thank you girlfriend for sending me this song! LOVEUUUUUUU MAXMAX ^^



Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me...

As a child I think I grew up with severe inferiority complex even without knowing that the term existed.
I'd always felt like I wasn't good enough.
I started comparing myself with others and driving myself into misery since I was in primary school.
I remembered they used to have this point ranking thing among girls, and we'd rate how pretty each girl was upon 10..

Look at the ugly girl, first row's 3rd from the right.
She'd never scored well on that chart, definitely, and she never forgot.
Unfortunately for her, her closer friends were those who scored 9.9 (some girl considered to be super pretty) all the way to 8.5.


Even when it came to grades, she was always average at best.
In primary 5, English officially became her most dreaded subject.
Till this day she remembers the awkwardness when her English teacher made students raise their hands up to show how much they scored for Grammar or Vocab MCQ practices.
She's always be one of the last in class to raise her hand for the lowest grade (5 or 6/10), along with this other boy.
And again, she never forgot.

After getting out of primary school, she went into an all girls' school, made a whole lot of friends along the way, but was never in the "cool clique".
She was never pretty enough, she was never rebellious enough, she was never daring enough, she was never smart enough, she was never hot enough, she was never fun enough.

She kept a diary in Secondary 2. And in it wrote these sentences that she'll never forget.
"No guys will ever like me cause I'm not the kind of xiaomeimei boys like. I can't be as cute as those girls."
"Why am I so different from them? Why can't I be as pretty as them? We're all suppose to be the same. So why am I like this? Can someone please tell me..."

She tried to gain acceptance and fill the void in her heart in Secondary 4 by going to church devotedly with her close friends.
Pretentious, fake, awkward, forced, it was all a show.
She never belonged there, and soon it showed.
She was considered an outsider/guest during the last few times she went there, and that's when she knew what she had to do.

Leaving all by yourself is never easy. Without the support from all your friends, without anyone to stand by your side when the odds are against you, without anyone to accept you even if you're at fault.

Then time and again she fell into the trap of boys because there was still a void within.
As expected, she got herself bruised by numerous immature relationships.

But each time, she grew stronger.
She learned new things about herself.
She learned what made her happy and essentially, made her who she was.
She learned that when a boy or a friend does not accept you for who you are and forces you to change and it compromises your happiness, he/she's not worth it.
She learned that in life you have to dare to take your chances, and of course know how to bear the consequences, or you'll live to regret.
She learned that even if no one else is doing it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.
She learned that if you don't want anything to happen to you, nothing ever will.
She learned that her source of happiness was by outdoing what she was or what she had done previously, by improving herself, and not by comparing with others.
And from that, she learned that perfection is still too long a way to go, but she can still be happy.

Today, the girl in the mirror who never forgot, has dug her way out of blood and fire and fought her own battles.
And to me, she will one day be perfect.
So will you

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