Saturday, July 21, 2012

Fishing for a date

I used to fish for fun some years back and learnt a thing or two which are useful for fishing,
and also applicable to dating!

Disclaimer: I'm not a dating guru or whatsoever but I just hope that this post can help someone out there a bit! :)

And don't worry, I'm not going to be teaching you how to tie a fishing hook or tell you about the best fishing spots in Singapore :p

Most of the below is written in a girl's point of view, but if you are a guy reading this, please change the genders part accordingly cause it applies to both sexes :)

(Knitted top and Boots from http://www.jipaban.com/)




1. Baits

We all know how baits work.
Baits are things you use to lure something/someone you want out.

If I'm trying to catch those normal tilapias in the drains, I only have to use cheap bread as bait.
If I'm trying to catch a fish of quite substantial size, I probably will have to upgrade my bait and use the flesh of smaller fishes (you can buy them cheap from the market).
If I'm trying to catch a crab using a crab net, my bait would have to be something that has a strong smell cause that would be more attractive to the crabs.

And since my boyfriend is trying to catch prawns from a prawning pond, his choice of bait would be cockles, chicken heart or earthworms. (yes, that reddish gooey thing in the picture)

Lesson learnt: The kind of bait you use will determine your catch.
Of course, there will be some exceptions (but really really rarely), like once when I accidentally caught a small stingray on a crab net. And of course I ate it hahah :S

Apply this to dating and you'll find that this actually makes sense in many ways!

The kind of personality you portray - be it online or in real life - determines the kind of guys (or girls) you attract, and will potentially date.

And since the use of social networking platforms is so prevalent these days, and most of us literally live online (tweeting about every single thing, instagram pictures of all our meals etc),
our online personas play a big part in affecting the people we know and the people we will get to know.

And that online persona determines your bait, and therefore determines your catch.


I'm sure most of us know of girls who post up pictures with their ginormous boobs filling up 90% of the space and we can barely even see their faces on Faceboob... I mean Facebook.
And these pictures get up to a kabillion Likes and comments from tons of men saying "wow u r pretty" "what a beauty" "gorgeous" and all that, but we all know it wasn't the girls' faces these men were complimenting.

Sure, these girls catch a ton of "fishes" with their cleavage photos as bait.
But I'm quite sure that these fishes won't be the ones whom you will deem as potential boyfriend material or a good catch.

pic credit to google

Also, I have nothing against people using nudity as a form of art or to express themselves.
But I would just like to remind you girls that not all men can see it that way.

Most men don't think of beauty / love / purity / innocence / edgy character / uniqueness / fashion when they see those nude pictures you reblogged on your tumblr,
or those sexxxx s3x cunt whore slut fuckgoddess etc related usernames on your Twitter, Facebook or any other social sites.

pic credit to google

When you choose those pictures or suggestive usernames, most men would just think of lust.
To put it extremely bluntly (forgive me), those men would most probably be thinking "Hmm, this girl sounds horny and seems like she would love a good fuck." and hence approach you for all the wrong reasons.

And if you find yourself dating a guy who only wants sex out of you, maybe you should check if you gave him any wrong signal at the start or not before crying about it.

So if you want to fish for something in particular, make sure you know clearly what bait you are using so you won't end up with what you didn't intend to catch.


Some months before I met Martin, I was at the lowest point in my life.
I fell out with my exbf of 1.5 years (whom I was so sure at that point I would marry) because he hit me
and personally I can never ever tolerate a guy who uses violence on girls, even if he was blood-related to me.

When that happened, I had completely given up on guys and told myself it's over and I would never find a good guy to date ever again.
I felt hopeless, I didn't give a damn about my future, didn't look forward to dating a decent guy anymore.

So I guess my attitude itself was a bad bait.
I didn't care which "fish" I would catch as long as it's a fish, since I thought all the fishes are equally rotten anyway.

Serpent earring from http://sg-instocks.blogspot.sg/
Black Mesh Overlay Dress from http://caramelhunter.com/

And with that terrible bait, I met my next exbf through a friend, and I dated him after knowing him for ONE DAY.
Horrible horrible decision.
Our characters were poles apart, we quarrelled all the time (no honeymoon period at all lol), the whole relationship was a disaster and it didn't even last a month.
Maybe it's because we dated too quick and I gave him the impression that I was the easy kind, just a fling, not ready to settle down, which was why he returned me with exactly the same attitude.

You gave me that bad bait, I'll give you that rotten fish you deserve.

He was a frequent clubber and couldn't give clubbing up for me. But I am the extremely insecure type of girlfriend.
And that alone (there were many other factors of course) was enough to break our relationship.
He wasn't the catch I wanted for life.

But thinking back, I guess he was the catch I deserved with that horribly hopeless attitude I had.


After him, I decided to myself that I didn't want to put myself through anymore of that madness.
And even if I were to stay single for a really really long time, I want to make sure I didn't cheapen myself and just be with any other guys for the sake of being attached.
I wanted to make sure that my next boyfriend would be a good one.
Change of attitude, change of bait.

I even remembering posting a status on Facebook something along the lines of:

Enough is enough. My next boyfriend must have a house, a job, can support me and must marry me.

And then Martin came along :)
Martin's doing a perfect job as a boyfriend (and I'm a good girlfriend too okay!!) so far, he doesn't have to be rich but he has a stable job,
and whether or not the marrying part comes true, we'll see.... :p

But so far, this catch is the best I've ever had! :)

Hooray for good baits!

My black layered top is from http://www.jipaban.com/!


2. Fishing spots

Another thing I've learnt from fishing is that the fishing spot you choose matters a great deal.
Different fishes are found at different locations, maybe due to the difference in salt content in the water, the temperature, the vegetation and food supply around that area etc.

You can't expect to catch a freshwater fish in the sea, and vice versa.


Now we apply that to dating.
Where you choose to fish narrows down your choices of catch.

If you are fishing in the sea, you will probably catch saltwater fishes like rabbit fishes, sea basses, groupers etc.
If you are fishing in reservoirs, you will most likely get freshwater fishes like tilapias, catfishes, snakeheads etc.
If you are fishing in a swimming pool, you will definitely get chased out by the security guard.... LOL

Lesson learnt: The fishing spot you choose narrows down your selection of catch.
But like abovementioned, there are always exceptions and you might have to be extremely lucky (or unlucky) to encounter those.

Just as how rock-type Pokemons like Geodude and Onix are found in caves and water-type Pokemon like Goldeen and Tentacool are found in the water,
where you hang out or decide to meet people plays a huge role in the type of people you will meet.


Just to throw out some examples:

If it's a sweet, romantic and faithful boyfriend you are looking for, I wouldn't advise going to a club to search for him.
If it's a sporty, tan, sunshine boy you want, you might probably want to start stalking your school's soccer or dragonboat team.
If it's a smart doctor husband you want to flaunt about in future to your friends, you might want to take up a nursing course or get enrolled into a med school cause that's most likely where your potential "fishes" will appear... Or you can make yourself fall sick all the time so you can visit the clinic? :p


And again, I am not against clubbing or the people who go to clubs,
I'm just saying that it's one of my least favourite things to do.

Cause I am demure!!
hahah okay kidding but here's me looking all demure in a pretty white dress from http://www.jipaban.com/ :P

Alright, but say real, before all you party animals start bashing me, hear me out!
I have an extremely low tolerance of alcohol, I'm happily attached and don't need to hook up, I hate crowds and I don't want guys I don't know to touch me even if it's by accident cause I know my boyfriend would be so god damn pissed.

Now I'm not fond of clubbing anymore, but I used to do so when I was way younger.

But when I went to clubs in the past (there were some times when I went to make my exbf jealous hoping he'd want me back hahah bad mistake), all I wanted was to dance with random boys and drink and not care about anything.
I don't deny that it was fun and thrilling while it lasted.
Excitement and surprises all the time from meeting new people, flirting at clubs, and even the fights.
(But eventually I chose stability and commitment above all of that, which is why I don't like to club anymore.)
And I guess many other girls and boys alike would have that mindset I had about clubs too.

I just want to drink and have fun, who cares about commitment or settling down?

So if most people at clubs have this mindset, how do you expect to find a cute, hot, totally charming boy in a club who is willing to let go of all his fun just for you, a random cute girl he met at the club (he probably met a thousand others btw)?

I mean admit it, no guy steps into a club thinking "Tonight, I will find myself a good girl who is decently dressed without heavy make up and I will be a gentleman to her and ask her to be my girlfriend and I will treat her right from this day on and marry her after a few years".

But, they would most likely be like "I hope I find a pretty girl with a hot figure today whom I can...................."
have supper with? :S

You get my drift.


3. Patience

Patience is a virtue.
And whether you are catching real fishes or potential dates, good things are always worth the wait.

When you go on a fishing trip, you must always be prepared to return home empty handed because you are not always guaranteed a catch.
And when you do not catch anything, remember not to lose hope because good things are always worth the wait.

If you are extremely certain about the fishing spot you've chosen and also your choice of bait,
keep your eye on the prize and don't compromise for anything lower than what you intended to catch.
Of course, please keep your expectations somewhat realistic. Don't ask for a Victoria's Secret angel when you are no Abercrombie & Fitch hunk yourself.

Never ever rush into a relationship without knowing the other party well enough.

For those of you who have rushed into relationships like I did (my horrible one day record), you will know that NOTHING good ever comes out of it.

Trust me, you would rather be single than get hurt a thousand times by the wrong jerks just for the sake of being attached.

And if the guy isn't willing to wait for you to be ready to be in a relationship with him, he isn't worth it.

Not trying to brag (okay let me brag a bit since I am attached anyway and no guys will fall for me now except my boyfriend hahah) but this cute boy used to like me in sec 3 and asked me to be his girlfriend........ when I was ugly as fuck and I felt like he was out of my league.
But back then I didn't feel ready to have a boyfriend (I think I just broke up with my ex) and I told that cute boy I wasn't ready....... AND HE DIDN'T WANT ME ANYMORE.
OMFG. I felt so crazily distraught I wanted to slap myself.
But then I grew up and realised he was quite a player so thank god I dodged that bullet!

Long story short, patience is a virtue!

If good boys were so easy to find, there won't be so many lonely girls out there now.
So really, do take your time to find them. Don't settle for jerks.

For those who are happily attached or married, they must have been really patient, knew exactly what they wanted, and of course luck plays a part too :)

I'm one of those lucky girls who found a good catch at the good place and a good time,
and I believe you will soon be too (if you haven't already found yours)! :D

Peach skirt (worn as tube dress) from http://www.jipaban.com/!


I'm actually really sorry for torturing you guys with these chunks and chunks of word vomit.
I had actually intended for this post to be a lot shorter... but then I got naggy LOL

So to end things off, I have some tips which I think might help in you all in looking for the kind of dates you want!

And I am assuming you girls and boys want good gfs/bfs who can settle down and are loyal okay.
If it's one night stands, friends with benefits, no strings attached and flings you want, please do the complete opposite.

Tips for girls:

♥ Stick to your principles and what you believe in even if the whole world laughs at it.
There is NOTHING wrong with being a virgin or being single as long as you know the time isn't right. Especially for all of you young girls out there!!!
Keep your books open and keep your legs closed! *naggy motherly instincts acting up lol*

♥ Try to avoid posting pictures that are too suggestive or cleavage shots on social sites because you don't want to attract all the weird tiko peks.
Find a boy who would fall in love with your eyes/ your smile/ your character and not just your boobs.
Also, you will want your body to be exclusive for your future husbands only!

The less you reveal the more people can wonder. - Emma Watson

Tips for boys:

♥ I personally find it extremely sweet when a guy respects girls.
But so far all the guys I see that tweet or talk about respecting girls are quote accounts :/
Hopefully, there are more guys out there who actually mean what they tweet!
Cause that will be a good bait to get you the potential girlfriend materials that even your mummy would absolutely adore!

♥ Treat your dates like how you would wish your future daughter's date would treat her.
(or think about how you would want your sister's date to treat her and how you want your dad to treat your mum)


And in case anyone was wondering where the prawning place in the above pictures was located at,
it's at Pasir Ris Farmway.
It's $15 an hour, $26 for 2 hours and $32 for 3 hours if I didn't remember wrongly.


And for dog lovers, there are many facilities there you can check out (we saw this doggy swimming pool)!
And also for those who are keep in buying puppies, they sell all sorts of adorable breeds at Pasir Ris Farmway too!
We were honestly super tempted to get one but our mums don't let haha!


There's also this long stretch of road nearby where you can take pictures hahaha! :p

Knitted top and boots from http://www.jipaban.com/


Whew, what a lengthy post.
It's 5am now and I just really felt like blogging this out because it's been on my mind for quite some time..
So hopefully you guys actually bothered to read it haha!

But even if you didn't read every single word, at least know the message I'm trying to drive across cause it should be useful somehow :)

Printed tank top from http://www.jipaban.com/ :)

I love you all and I truly hope you guys find your happiness too!

Thanks for reading!

Keep smiling! :D

26 comments:

Kim said...

Wow ! Thanks for this post. I read them all. :)

Jessica C said...

Omg this post is awesome & comforting! :) x

CrispyEgg said...

Love how you threw in a few Pokemon there! :P

Eileen Y. said...

Well said. What kind of bait = what kind of fish/prawn/lobster you gonna catch lol *thumbs up

Anonymous said...

i read the whole post!
u look good with a shorter fringe.

Anonymous said...

This is irrelevant but YOUR NEW HAIRSTYLE IS SO PRETTY!
It makes you look really really pretty compared to your old hairstyles!Your last photo is really sweet :)

Drusilla said...

Personally felt that this post is really good! Great job :)

Anonymous said...

I read the whole post! This is a really good post, I can relate to it really well! (:

Anonymous said...

Great post, totally agree with what you have written! Continue with the great post, love your blog. :)

Anonymous said...

Aw, you're always with your boyf in almost every post. SO SWEEEEET! I hope to see you get married soon LOL. This post really motivate me a lot cause I happened to broke up during my Os year..and I did the same thing as you lolol, cheapen myself. But hopefully I will find a guy that suit me like you! Thank you for that post, it not only helps but motivates too! :)

Adelyn said...

Very nice new fringe u have! Looks very sweet on you :) Don't mind sharing how u told the hairdresser to cut it? Because i always can't seem to get them to understand the perfect fringe i want!

Another great post!

Yukie said...

The new hair colour suits you alot and i love the new blog header picture!! Dont change it for a while~

Anonymous said...

you look very pretty with dark hair

Plumi said...

lovin the dark hair chick! I think you look better with black hair~ :)

girl123 said...

http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/551212_3610866592350_388991698_n.jpg

Hi! I can't seems to find the shoes on Jipaban. Mind giving me the link? Thanks!

Steph said...

This post is awesome :D I read the whole thing hahaha (:

Btw your hair is super nice now! And I think you look sweeter with a fringe :D

Good day~

Anonymous said...

This was a beautiful post ♥ i love your outlook on life, you're inspiring!

Anonymous said...

your best post yet :)

Shirley said...

Love this post. The new hairstyle and colour look really good too!

Anonymous said...

Omg I've been wanting to tell you that you should really change your hairstyle. It was nice but I know you can pull up another look better. AND YOU FINALLY CHANGED IT!!!! SO NICE! :D GOOD POST TOO!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with you :) Thanks for the post btw! Love ya

Anonymous said...

hi rachel!

Read and absolutely loved every bit of your so called words vomit. I think its very insightful and the references make alot of sense. Truly enjoy reading more posts of yours with more words although alot of pics in btwn is great as well haha.

I have the same thinking as yours that its impt to have the right attitude to get the right type of guy that I want. Which is why im happily single coz i refuse to settle for just some random jerk out there just so I can have a bf.

<3 your blog!!
Hazel

Lauria said...

I just discovered your blog and your first article is great. i mean, compared fishing and dating is pretty interesting.
Your word are nice and girls really need some blogger like you !

i will follow you,

http://sucresandpaillettes.blogspot.fr/

Selene said...

One of the best posts out there I've ever read. You're right on every count and I agree with your every single word. Thank you for posting this to educate all girls out there. True love and good relationship take patience, time, commitment and dedication. Being in love is a decision made with an open heart. Kudos!! I really love your post like a million times!! I wish everyone could read this!

Anonymous said...

hey rachell! what did u do to ur fringe, its so nice! did u style/rebond it or anything???

Anonymous said...

Dear Rachell,
I've been an avid reader of your blog for quite some time, and I feel all of your posts are great, but this post is your best yet !! I love your perspective in life in this post. (: I could also relate to every word of it.
-Val
PS: Irrelevant, but you have pretty hair! (: